Last fall, an article was posted on The Gospel Coalition website acknowledging the rapid increase of departures of women from evangelical churches. While Christian researchers have been noticing this phenomenon for several years, a New York Times article pointed to abuse in the church and restrictive gender role theology as possible reasons for these departures. Elizabeth Hance wrote for TGC in response to defend complementarianism. In her article, she offers alternative causes and a solution to stem the tide of women departing the evangelical movement. While I disagreed with Hance’s solution, I think her main thesis is correct.
While TGC was my go-to source for articles 5 years ago, my seminary studies gave me access to a broader cross-section of Christian thought. In comparison to deep academic study, TGC began to feel more like evangelical clickbait. The final nail in the coffin that held my fondness for TGC was a pastor’s scathing review of a female author’s book in 2021. I had recently read her book and, while I did not agree with all of her conclusions at the time, they were logical, well-reasoned, and gave me a lot to think about. The questions she raised were of interest to me and, I wanted to see how an organization I trusted would deal with those issues. However, his review failed to engage with her substantive critiques, and his overall tone seemed to communicate, “I read this, so you don’t have to. Here are our talking points.” He was dismissive of her experience, questioned her competence, and used the space to promote his recently released book on gender roles. It felt like a hit piece.
So, I was initially hesitant to click on Hance’s TGC article when it popped up on my social media feed. But, because women’s involvement in church is my area of interest, I took the bait and clicked. Surprisingly, I fully agreed with Hance’s thesis: The multifaceted reasons women leave the church cannot be explained simply by blaming complementarianism. Or as I would say it: Complementarianism is not the only reason for this mass exodus of women. Hance purports to offer other explanations, but she does not dig deeper than the familiar scapegoats of feminism and LGBTQ+. Furthermore, she ends by downplaying the current crisis of religious abuse as, “the famous failures of a few pastors.” It reads like she is worried some bad apples are disgracing complementarianism’s good name. Her solution is a more faithful adherence to complementarianism. Basically, more cowbell.
Yes, there are many reasons women are leaving churches but even the best forms of complementarianism are still harmful. In addition to the reasons Hance mentioned, some women are leaving because they now recognize the damage done by Purity Culture. Some are disillusioned because their former role models now worship at the altar of Trump. Some left because they insisted action be taken to curb racism but were given a paternalistic head pat. Then there are the women who didn’t choose to leave but were excommunicated when they spoke up about some form of abuse. Some have been so impacted by harm in religious spaces that they cannot physically set foot in a church without a panic attack.
However, I think there is another reason women are leaving their churches: God is bringing them out.
Like the first exodus, God is leading his people out of places they were mistreated, abused, and exploited for their labor. He’s particularly drawing women out of places of harm and into the wilderness so they have the freedom to worship him and use their gifts to serve him fully. Some of us are wandering together, not sure where we are headed but thankful our gifts are no longer caged. Some of us miss the comfortable illusion of community and long to go back to our Egypts.
Technically, I don’t think I “count” in those metrics of women who have left church because I began attending another church a few months after my beloved church home fired me. We are in this new place of worship to hear God’s word, receive communion, and for the sake of our kids. But we are not engaging in the life of the church family as we have in the past. It is a church hotel, not a church home. I have not become a member. I occasionally visit other churches. Sometimes our family skips a Sunday (for youth sports, the worst offense of all!). I don’t feel a responsibility to support the church financially, I am not attending a small group, and I don’t wear their swag. In comparison with how I wrapped my life around my former church, you could call me a “quiet quitter.” My body is there on Sundays, but my heart is still too bruised to claim it as my home.
Back in 2018, the New York Times also reported on how Black worshippers were quietly leaving white evangelicalism. I think these two movements, these two scattered exoduses, are related. Just like people in the lower levels of the Titanic knew it was sinking before the first-class passengers, Black Americans realized white evangelical spaces needed to be abandoned sooner than white women have. Our privilege insulated us for a while longer, but the time of reckoning has continued, and more and more women are getting off the ship while there is still time to find a raft.
God is bringing judgement on corrupt churches. Have you felt this sifting? Doesn’t it seem like every other day a new scandal is revealed? He has been steadily exposing the abuse and bringing corrupt shepherds to the light, just like he said he would (Luke 12:3). And just like he used Gentile nations to bring judgement on his people for their abuse, he’s now using people and organizations outside the church to call his people to account. It’s police officers, news reporters, and courageous women sharing their stories publicly that are the heroes of this movement.
Hance’s main point is true, complementarianism should not shoulder the whole blame for women leaving church. It is just one aspect of our American church culture that is so beholden to power, deceived by money, and committed to institutional protection over shepherding God’s flock. I feel a sad connection with Elizabeth Hance. This is the kind of article I might have written 5 years ago with the same passion for defending complementarianism. I found a type of security in the confinement and certainty of a doctrine that restricted me and told me it was for my own good. If I was submitted to my husband and leaders then nothing was ever my fault, right? But God doesn’t want women to outsource their discernment to men. He gave us brains, a conscience, and filled us with the same Holy Spirit that men have. When I realized my complementarianism was a crutch propping up my lack of faith, I had to let it go. God brought me out and set me free. Now my desire is to gather other women wandering in the wilderness as we wait on God to lead us to a better land.
So perhaps complementarianism is not to blame when women leave the church. Maybe it’s an act of God?
Lark TheoSis 
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